Thursday, December 22, 2011

Things I miss that remind me of you...

Watching Endless Episodes of TV shows like Breaking Bad and Teen Mom
Stupid inside jokes, like olives. and how they are gross..
And little sayings that would make people puke in their mouth about, like on little signs in little places that say "We may not have it all together, But together we have it all."
Leaving your house in the late hours of the night and you would teach me stars and constellations. Like Arcturus. I always try to find it. and Orions belt. I'm bad at this game without you.

This is something many angsty a child would post on tumblr.
But i love you. 

We are so perfect together. I hate being apart. I hate hate hate it.
If you really didnt want me to leave to FL I wouldnt.
I guess thats what I meant by you giving up. You just agreed with what I decided was best for me. You didnt argue. you're just letting me go is ultimately how my brain sees it, though I know you love me.
Maybe I just have some fairytale story in my head that will have you put me first over everything else in your life and forget any consequences because we will be together, so it will be okay.
I dont hate you. I just dont understand.
I get mad. I do, but for every angry word there are thousands of emotions longing for requited love.
I lash out with irrational words.
But really.. I just want you to hold me and never let me go...

I love you. This is not an attack. This is not pointing fingers.
I just want a coffee.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011


I probably have the best dad ever.
Maybe not from Moms perspective.
But he is always there and able to help.
If he cant he figures out a way.
He always makes sure we know that he is there.
He can always tell me how to get home.
He is always trying to fuel our creativeness (though i think unintentionally, its just his nature).
Dad is just always there. and always supportive.
I love my dad.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Sometimes I am an Angsty Little Girl.

Sometimes I hate everything.
I am staying at school over winter break, mostly.
I do not want to go home. Long story short there is a girl living in my room at home, she pays rent, but she is a slob and sprays god awful perfume all the time to cover up the multitudes of smoking that takes place in my domicile.
I do not want to deal with that mess.
I do not want to deal with being sick in my own home due to the slobs which reside there.
I do not want to deal with running errands which are not mine to run, and irresponsible young adults who try to get me to do their own work.
I am not dealing with that.
I am not dealing with being in the general area of home because the damn streets remind me of my ex which up until now was fine.
I'd miss him, but we were fine.
Now he's being an ass. Even though he doesnt mean to be.
I call bullshit.
If he cared he could have tried harder.
He just gave up.
He gave up.
He. gave. up.
he. gave. me. up.
he gave up on us.
he didnt even try.

I dont need this.
I dont need him.


I hate this. I hate you. I hate everything.

I am quite bitter right now.
I wish I had friends around.
I dont want to go home.
I want to make reckless decisions and meet cute boys and have fun.
Forget you.
Fuck this.
This was your decision, not mine.
I hate you for making this decision.
I wish we could say this was the right decision.
If you had asked I would have stayed.
I dont think you want me enough.
I dont think you ever did.
I was never important enough for you.
Why do you get to be sad and sappy?
Why did you want to do this now?
Why couldnt it wait?
Why couldnt we be happy for a few months longer?
Now we are both sad.
Are you even sad?
I dont know because you wont talk to me.
I dont know.
I dont know anything.
I know that I am alone.
I know that I miss you.
I know that I am sad knowing that you are not mine anymore.
I am sad.
This makes me sad.
And it makes me hate you.
Why cant we be on the same page?
We arent even in the same book anymore...